My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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