Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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