why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
