3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
