There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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