I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
