I think I won the penis lottery.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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