Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
