So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize