they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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