yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
not ubering you a puppy
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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