girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
