I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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