Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
