You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
