I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
