it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
