hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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