i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
