hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
