Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
