went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
