I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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