You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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