Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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