i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
