I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
