I heard we made out
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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