I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
