some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
