I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
