i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
