Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
