he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
pop tarts are not kleenex
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
