I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
