I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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