Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
