remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
