I need to stop coming to work sober
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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