and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
