??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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