So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
