Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
