I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
organizing the empties. That sober.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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