you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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