Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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