I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
