I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
