did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
