Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
