i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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