You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
