You can't motorboat a personality
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
