please come you make the beer taste better
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
