I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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