You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
