and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
