"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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