Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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