were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
