Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
