You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
