i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
