dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
