I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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