I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize