you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
